run.

looking back
pouring over years gone by
regret in what your seeing
hurt filling your very being

you ask why
cause you didn’t see this as a game
no, cause this is your life
and there has to be someone to blame

start to run
turn your back on what hurts you
run away
start anew with life that loves you

reminiscing only brings back the pain
all the time you lost
all the scars you gained

your done with the past
look ahead to your future
quit crying for what can’t be
and start again inside a new me

just run away
far far far away
and don’t you dare look back
cause the past cannot be changed

future always rearranged

tomorrow is dangling before your eyes
a ray of hope in your hand
grasp the fullness of what this is
hold tight to the life line
it’s stronger than you think

the stars dance in your eyes again
life runs through your veins like a runaway train
don’t let it stop
keep moving

just run away
let the pull take you with it
don’t be scared
just run just run
run far far far away

find your peace in tomorrow
capture desire out of the sorrow

run run run
until you realize.....

these eyes hold laughter instead of sorrow.

take me there.

with the heaviest heart
i think of things
nearer and farther that burden my heart

in pure desolation
i lay everything out on the table
to be put under scrutiny

it can build me up
or it can break me
but either way it can’t take from me
what has been there all along

tears never fall freely
they are forbidden in this world
don’t show that you care
break others
dissolve who you are
till there’s nothing left

will it be worth it
will we regret every day passed
when we fade into the gray
when judgement comes upon me and you?

can we look upon these movies and say we lived it black and white
will we know who we were
did we follow the others
or make our own way?

I just want something new
longing for a realness
a love in its purest form
a reality that doesn’t believe its own lie

heavy heart you hold the key
see you have compassion
something this world has failed to keep

just ready to move on
go to a place thats safe
where i won’t doubt what’s real
where lies aren’t contorted to look beautiful
where truth is the core of existence

we long for such a place
such a peace 
a heart begs for a way to be taken there
even if that would mean passing on to a place beyond this life

you can’t help but want it
you know nothing except that you need it

i have a heavy heart that diligently seeks peace
that more than anything is searching for a place of sweet release

take me there

the day to day

going through the day to day

trying to concentrate 

to listen

to pray

trying not to think of you

cause each memory each thought 

my heart will try to betray 

each day it gets harder 

each day i think of you more 

each day its a struggle 

to remember your words and your promise
to never close this door

yes, you can know whats best for you

it doesn’t feel that way when it’s killing you

can’t focus 

can’t breathe 

i need you to be my relief 

yet that is too much to ask of you

i know there is only one who can take the burdens of this life

only one who can take you away and bring you back to me brand new. 

so i’m doing this for me and for you

that i may be what you need 

what you want

what pushes you

and follows after you

what strengthens 

and supplies

this is honesty 

just look in my eyes.

so i’m doing this for you and for me

that you will become everything God set out for you to be

that you would gain knowledge like never before

look to and lean on Him as your rock....your guiding star

that you would trust whole heartedly in who He is and what He says.

and never lose sight of what the true love really is. 

I pray that you would have new understanding 

a heart that is full to the brim and ever expanding. 

i love you deeply with this heart. 

I pray that through these days, weeks, maybe months apart

that God would grow our love for each other, affirm it, renew it

and that from it we’ll never depart. 

so i run.

so much
so much 


if I could spill it all out to you
would it be too much
too much


life is so strange when your walking through
no one sees the world through my eyes like you


rearrange
sort my thoughts
you always see right through




So i run
yes, I run
I’ll always run to you

l o v e

what is love you ask me.

honestly i don’t really know. 

i think i have an idea of what it means though. 

or at least I hope I do. 

so let me tell you my idea of love.

love is unconditional.

it’s sticking with someone no matter what. no matter what they’ve done or who they’ve become. 

love is seeing past a persons flaws and caring for them anyway.

love is when you know you would die for a person. 

love hurts when someone walks out of your life.

love cuts like a blade when you know you’ve hurt someone you care for. 

love is always honest...even when it hurts to be. 

love knows what is best for you.

love stands by a person in their darkest hour. 

love is in your actions.

love is in the way you think. 

love never gives up. 

love cares for others than for self.

love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. 

love doesn’t focus on itself. 

love isn’t forceful. 

love doesn’t take note of every wrong someone does. 

love takes pleasure in truth. 

love puts up with anything and everything. 

love trusts God always. 

love always always looks for the best in a person. 

love never looks back. 

love keeps going infinitely. 

love NEVER dies. 

God is the epitome of love.

love is who He is. 

what greater love do we have than Him who would send His most precious son into a world as an infant to live and die for us? 

in the Bible it says “go after a life of love as if your depended on it. because it does.”

we depend on love.

thrive on love. 

breathe and drink in love. 

we all desire to love and be loved. 

this is what love is to me. this is deep love. this is passionate love. this is what i hope i show to people everyday. this is what i hope is seen as my creator flows out of me. this is what i live for and will die for. i don’t know if i will ever truly know what love is...but i hope i’m pretty close. my heart cry is to be just a fraction of what Jesus was to this world and if i’ve done that....then I know my life will have not been in vain.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

goodbye

holding my head up high
with every breath i take i'm trying not to cry
you can't see the smile on my face
because it's just another thing i misplaced

trying so very hard not to cry
i thought i was a big girl
so now why can't i say goodbye

i never understood how loving you could hurt so deeply
until you said goodnight...

I’m trying. trying.

I’m tired.
Worn out, stressed.
Cause right now, things aren’t going the best.

I’m falling, tripping stumbling,
through a life of lies that’s slowly crumbling.
trying my best to please them
yet inside i’m dying to just breath in.

Losing it.
to something I never wanted.
I love deeply.
so that I always feel it when they leave me.
Hurting myself...the only way to see if I’m still alive.

why do I do this.
why can’t I just give up on them
just live a lie
at night I lay here to cry.

I can’t stop loving.
can’t stop caring.
I wish you knew that.

I wish you could see that inside i’m dying
cause it hurts me to see you crying.
I just want to live without lying.
look deep. I’m trying. trying.

the hardest thing is to let go.
to give you away.
to move on.
let love come again your way.

I’m frickin tired.

I’m tired.

I’m frickin tired.

worn.

stressed.

upset.

I just don’t understand some things.

like.....why God isn’t enough for us?? especially when He’s promised to be more than enough.

I don’t understand how we can trust every other human on this earth, and what they have to say, and not trust the God  who created us or His word.

I don’t understand how we can call ourselves followers of the creator...when we in truth have no idea most of the time what the Bible says or even believe it to be true.

It makes me upset that we get so upset with others over petty things that shouldn’t matter, when what we should be doing is showing the love of our maker, being like him, loving every person no matter what they’ve done or do. Cause we’re still human, we still make mistakes just like everyone else. I hate that for one second I’ve ever thought I was better than anyone else. I’m not.

It’s completely stupid how we are so quick to point fingers at what everyone else does wrong...but are the last to admit the faults in our own lives.

I’m so tired. So tired of forgetting that God is the only thing that I need. So tired of putting Him last in my life.

I’m so tired of living for other people. Pleasing them and making them happy, while i’m making myself miserable.

I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy and making sure that their every dream comes true...and forgetting about my own dreams.

I’m tired of people looking at me and putting me in a box of what they think I am. If only you knew.

I’m just ready to live life. Ready to live for myself. Don’t get me wrong I want to live for God...that’s a huge priority in my life. But I know that in order to do that I have to love myself. I have to put the focus back on what I’m supposed to do and be.

I just want to enjoy life while I can.

To love without compromising who I am and what I want in life.

I’m  done with living for everyone else. Done with pleasing everyone else. That life makes me miserable. I just want it to be me and God and no one else. I don’t need anything else.

I have a lot more to say, but i’m tired and I can’t think straight. I’m losing my train of thought. more to come soon.