where do we go from here?

it’s just begun
and already i can see the end in sight
we both knew it couldn’t last
instead we chose to continue
and look past

it’s been ending since the start
falling to pieces all around us
you know it is
i know it is
yet we continue on

we’re dragging our hearts through the mud
hurting ourselves
more than each other

i love you
you know i do
but this isn’t meant to be
i don’t know if your love will ever be enough for me

there’s so many things wrong with us
so many obstacles
so many dreams that are different

we’re going different ways
all i want is for you to stay
it’s only my selfishness telling me to never let you go

i don’t know what to do
i know your happy
but i’m not
I know this is what you’ve always wanted
but i’m not sure what i really want anymore

i have so many unanswered questions
you have too many mysteries

so what do we do?
where do we go from here?

my destinee

your a beautiful one to me
always bright eyed
always free

your magical mystery to me
your eyes tell stories
smile hides your  secrets

your deeper than the sea
twisting words into something we couldn’t see
making melodey with life
oh that we could all be
something. something. a part of this beauty

your to be feared
for your wisdom is beyond all our years
thoughts aren’t what you think
they’re who you are

you are the closest thing to me
kindred spirit
piece of my heart
the pain i do feel
every moment we’re apart

your my destinee
i can’t change you
can’t move you
your set in your ways

your the light in such a dark place
a memory of distinct beauty and grace

you are the love of my heart
words can’t give meaning to all that you are
you mean more to me than you’ll ever know

your my sister
best friend
lover
your part of me

I love you......my destinee

this is growing up

I never thought it would be this hard
leaving would be just another way i’d be free
but I see the love in your eyes when you look at me
I know there’s pain there cause your trying to let go
i’m feeling that same pain

so this is it, here i go
this is growing up, leaving home
this is knowing real pain
knowing life is more than dancing in the rain

how do you separate something whole
how do you leave behind your world
become your own person
they make it seem so easy
but really this is a whole new life for me

where did my childhood go
how did I become this person
this woman
no one can prepare you for this
you have wings to fly
yet, your so scared to try

i press on for all that’s ahead of me
trying not to look back
but still keep it all with me
this is growing up

tell myself to forget.

mind churning things out at a million miles a second
no time to sleep
I can barely remember to breathe
waves of emotion passing over
again and again
yet I can’t feel them

I tell myself to forget
to be numb
don’t remember
don’t feel

If I stop for even a second
it will all crash down around me
everything will fall to pieces
flood gates will pour out like tidal waves

so I keep everything locked up tight
I have to be strong
have to at least pretend like i belong
like there is never anything wrong

my facade is cracking though
slowly this foundation is moving from beneath me
i can’t keep it in
i can’t hold it all together

with each breath it tears me apart inside
with each smile
something falters

i’m scared to let it all go
to just break down
and lose all i know

what if i push you away
when all i really wanted was for you to stay
what if i’m too much
or too little
then it will all be too late

i would have spilled my heart onto broken ground
watching myself slowly drown

I can’t do that
but I know I will
cause my heart isn’t for me
it’s for every person I was ever around

I try to give so much
and take very little
yet it’s catching up with me
i didn’t know I needed love to love me