tell myself to forget.

mind churning things out at a million miles a second
no time to sleep
I can barely remember to breathe
waves of emotion passing over
again and again
yet I can’t feel them

I tell myself to forget
to be numb
don’t remember
don’t feel

If I stop for even a second
it will all crash down around me
everything will fall to pieces
flood gates will pour out like tidal waves

so I keep everything locked up tight
I have to be strong
have to at least pretend like i belong
like there is never anything wrong

my facade is cracking though
slowly this foundation is moving from beneath me
i can’t keep it in
i can’t hold it all together

with each breath it tears me apart inside
with each smile
something falters

i’m scared to let it all go
to just break down
and lose all i know

what if i push you away
when all i really wanted was for you to stay
what if i’m too much
or too little
then it will all be too late

i would have spilled my heart onto broken ground
watching myself slowly drown

I can’t do that
but I know I will
cause my heart isn’t for me
it’s for every person I was ever around

I try to give so much
and take very little
yet it’s catching up with me
i didn’t know I needed love to love me