happiness is so elusive

Every moment I waste
wanting nothing but to cry
to just let out all the hurt
turn away
say goodbye

life never feels worth it
only one reason to live
they’re taking everything
when i have nothing left to give

don’t want anything
don’t need anything
there’s never enough i can do
I thought the rules were love them
and you will be loved too

happiness is so elusive
a dream trapped inside itself
you see it
never will you feel it
until you look inside ones self

all you need.

she surrounds herself in a misery no one else can see
lost herself to this world of cruel reality
what is this life she lives?
who is this girl that has nothing left to give?
where’d the hope go.
how did she lose her soul.

Looking for the hope
the rope to hold onto
trying to find some way to cope
running from herself
dreams what can possibly be left?

Caught in a cobweb
of everything they want her to be
thinking she’s going her own way
but she just follows where they lead
lost inside herself
drowned in confusion
what does this heart want?

they say they need her
they say they care
all she feels is used
abandoned
bruised

Her dreams are all behind her
she left them to give you yours
she’s scared and weak and so confused
but you don’t see her
even though she’s given you a million clues

she’s in a place you don’t want to go
crying out running in place
hiding cause to you
she’s nothing but a disgrace

hold on to what’s broken
make strong what’s slowly going
forget the pain, the tears, the not knowing

i’m all you need.
all you need.
hold onto me.
cause for your soul...i’m dying.

to the parents.

you ask me to think for myself
yet when  do i disappoint you

you say you want to be a part of my life
then you leave me in my room alone with my thoughts.

never asking if i’m ok
so how am i supposed to know you care?

you say you’ll ALWAYS be there
so why do I feel as if i’m the only one here?

i love you
i need you
thought for so long i couldn’t live without you

now i see that I’m drowning in your control
I can’t learn to think for myself
when your a constant in my mind.

just need you to let go
to loosen your grip
hand over some of the control

you’ve taught me well
you’ve given me wisdom
so now is the time to sit back
watch the vision

i may lose my focus
i could get lost in the way of man
i could stumble
but know i’ll always reach for His hand

let me make mistakes
you can’t prevent them all
let me find my way
even if that means watching me stumble and fall

cause i’m finding i can’t live this way
i’m no longer a child
and now it’s time for me to go my own way

a driving need to be free
to break away
to be who i am
find the real “me”

i’m not saying i don’t need you
i know i do
i need your support
to know your behind me no matter what  do
will you be there?

it’s a journey i have to take
don’t hold me back
don’t make it worse

i’ll be ok
i promise
and hopefully one day...
you’ll be proud of what i know i can be

to the parents.
this is all new to me.
i’m taking baby steps
just let me go and watch me.