Oblivion.

I just want to disappear. To go away into oblivion. For no one to see or hear me. I just want to get lost. In a place unforgiving. It's not like you would care. Cause really you don't. You don't care enough to ask what's wrong with me. You don't think about me enough to actually know if i'm going through something. Basically you don't care. So what am I to do? You want me gone? Well I'm leaving. Not that it will solve anything. But at least i'll be gone right?

I'm not who you wanted. I'm not what you wanted me to be. So instead of caring you just act like everything is fine and leave it all for me to deal with. I can't go on like this. I ask if you love me, because I really don't know if you do. All my life my heart has been screaming for the truth. I just want you to care. I just want you to hold me. Why don't you see that? My guess is that you don't care. Sad thing is it's so true.

So what do I do......

I've carried this burden with me everywhere I go. I'm tired of holding it for you. I'm tired of being the responsible one. The one who has to have it al together. The oldest one. The one who can never show feelings because that shows weakness. I'm tired of living my life to please you. You don't even care! You don't see a thing I do. You always choose to see the bad in me. Maybe that's why I do the things I do. To get your attention. Call me immature and selfish......it doesn't matter to me. Cause I 'm just trying to get your attention. Apparently it's not working though. It's never worked. So i'm just running around in circles chasing after something that will never change.

I'm done. So i'm gonna disappear now. Into my own oblivion. I don't know if i'll be back. Cause it's not really worth the effort of returning.