I’m stuck

i’m stuck

in two different places

my mind tells me to go one way

the easier safe way 

my heart tells me to jump

take the plunge even if it’s painful

I always do the right thing 

what everyone wants 

never what i want 

i want to dive in 

give it all i’ve got 

but i hold myself back 

with fears of failure 

and what everyone will think of me 

I’m stuck 

because i’m scared 

that i will jump

and have no one to catch me 

nothing to cushion my fall

no one to pick me up and put me back together 

i’m so used to

everyone telling me what i should do 

that it’s painful to think for myself 

it kills me to do what i so badly want to do 

i want to be an adult 

and to make my own decisions

i want to feel free

and find out who i am 

and who i want to be

I want to have confidence 

that i can be fine on my own 

i want to go 

i want to stay 

yet i know 

that i can’t have it both ways

so 

should i go 

or should i stay?