forgotten destiny

feel hot tears roll off my lashes
this feeling never passes

there are no regrets
but my mind is not set
on what it wants to do.

heart pounds, jumps, races
think of the most solace places
i want to fly away too

the easiest is never right
the hardest is strongly felt
the right feels painfully damaging
and wrong is just too tempting

mind so trapped in every thought
can’t speak
won’t speak
you wouldn’t understand
it’s just wasted in your hands

look at this shell you call me
don’t recognize
because there’s a lostness behind her eyes

what is destiny what is fate
when it is all controlled?

twisted
distorted
obscured

never where i wanted to be
nowhere close to what I dreamed

wretched wonderer
you’ve traveled too far
to find out
you never left who you are

ghosts of your past
haunt your future
kill them kill them kill them
or they’ll be with you forever

run away
problems follow anyway
turn around
stand your ground
and fight

will it not be fine?
will it not all be right?

fear, a friend
pain, a sister
death, a lover

given all away
never having held much back
how to continue forward
to never look behind
to never again wonder or ask of yourself why?

to knowingly break, tear, shatter two hearts apart.
to resume the life of the living
yet not know what to live for

where does the bad, the painful, the hatred, lostness and fear end?
will there ever be good?
does it not get better than this?

i ponder if it is all simply a life lived of our own choosing
or is life merely providential?
do the choices we make truly determine our path?
or is this our path of fate?

does he bring us where we are to go?
or does he take the poor choices and make them his own?

never telling you how complicated life will be
no you must first grow up
then be slapped with reality

confused with the question of which door to go through
how does one know, if none are locked
then which one is meant for you to go through?

seen as failing
disappointment etched into their faces
a cause to hide your pain
hatred this world readily embraces

change the world to see
that if once more they opened blind eyes to see
a place of hope and beauty
then maybe
just maybe
I can be free.

to live my long lost & forgotten destiny.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

lost
in a world that swallowed me
broken
by people I always thought loved me
here
in a place i’ve never been
there
where I want to be but just can’t reach


do you see how I try
hear me in the night when the tears won’t stop
and my heart it dies

i wish you would care enough to let it go
you say you care
but your love has never showed

i can’t show you what’s inside
bruised broken bloody
everything i tried to hide
it’s all locked away now
in a lifeless person it resides

hurt
by twisted words and broken promises
confused
by choices decisions you’re making me decide
burdened
by the weight of love that will never be
displaced
because you’ve made me a stranger to my own family

i ask how much lower can I be
you laugh in my face and say if this is low
then you just wait
you can make it worse for me

i’m confounded
by what my head and my heart are saying
they won’t come together
they won’t change their ways
so which do I believe
which one goes and which stays?

i’m ready to give up this life
what’s the point
when it’s filled with grief and strife
I can’t move on and I can’t go back
so there’s only really one choice for me
to live without anyone anything
to give up
give it all
everything

you lost me
you broke me
you hurt me

you burdened me
you confused me
you forgot me

you’ve driven a world between us

hope your happy now

save me.

all i know is that I can’t see

my mind is full

my heart’s not free

i wondered far away

and I don’t know how to get back

where am i? 

who am i? 

i can’t hear

there’s too many voices in my head

too many things not left unsaid

i just want to hear you

to know that your still there

to feel you in my life 

everything screams for you to give me a reason

send me your sign

i’m a sad excuse for human

i’ve fallen and drifted behind

i don’t want to do this anymore 

i can’t take the pain of hurting everyone around me

turning into something that was never meant to be

i’m broken...bleeding...dying.

wou hear my whispers in the darkness

you see the tears that are always ready to fall

i just want to be free from this

free from it all

from the mess of my life...the mess i’ve made of it all

save me.

you push.

you push and push
always pushing
never holding back
you push and push
until it’s a little too late

you’ve driven me over the edge
to a place I never wanted to be
now i’m forgotten
in a place where no man should be

you love me
though your only human
you fight for me
though we’re only flesh

I beg you to stop
I beg you to let go
can’t you see
you just keep pushing
pushing pushing
pushing yourself away from me

you give me all your words
you fill my brain with human opinions
you don’t give me a second to breathe
you won’t just let me fall

do you not see it’s not me that’s faltering
cause I know who’s going to catch me
your scared to let go
cause you can’t help but want the control

instead your hurting me
your pushing pushing
always pushing
never holding back
pushing yourself away from me.

you push and push
until it’s too late.

you pushed
and now i’m gone
you pushed when you were trying so hard to hold on
now this girl is gone.

run.

looking back
pouring over years gone by
regret in what your seeing
hurt filling your very being

you ask why
cause you didn’t see this as a game
no, cause this is your life
and there has to be someone to blame

start to run
turn your back on what hurts you
run away
start anew with life that loves you

reminiscing only brings back the pain
all the time you lost
all the scars you gained

your done with the past
look ahead to your future
quit crying for what can’t be
and start again inside a new me

just run away
far far far away
and don’t you dare look back
cause the past cannot be changed

future always rearranged

tomorrow is dangling before your eyes
a ray of hope in your hand
grasp the fullness of what this is
hold tight to the life line
it’s stronger than you think

the stars dance in your eyes again
life runs through your veins like a runaway train
don’t let it stop
keep moving

just run away
let the pull take you with it
don’t be scared
just run just run
run far far far away

find your peace in tomorrow
capture desire out of the sorrow

run run run
until you realize.....

these eyes hold laughter instead of sorrow.

take me there.

with the heaviest heart
i think of things
nearer and farther that burden my heart

in pure desolation
i lay everything out on the table
to be put under scrutiny

it can build me up
or it can break me
but either way it can’t take from me
what has been there all along

tears never fall freely
they are forbidden in this world
don’t show that you care
break others
dissolve who you are
till there’s nothing left

will it be worth it
will we regret every day passed
when we fade into the gray
when judgement comes upon me and you?

can we look upon these movies and say we lived it black and white
will we know who we were
did we follow the others
or make our own way?

I just want something new
longing for a realness
a love in its purest form
a reality that doesn’t believe its own lie

heavy heart you hold the key
see you have compassion
something this world has failed to keep

just ready to move on
go to a place thats safe
where i won’t doubt what’s real
where lies aren’t contorted to look beautiful
where truth is the core of existence

we long for such a place
such a peace 
a heart begs for a way to be taken there
even if that would mean passing on to a place beyond this life

you can’t help but want it
you know nothing except that you need it

i have a heavy heart that diligently seeks peace
that more than anything is searching for a place of sweet release

take me there

the day to day

going through the day to day

trying to concentrate 

to listen

to pray

trying not to think of you

cause each memory each thought 

my heart will try to betray 

each day it gets harder 

each day i think of you more 

each day its a struggle 

to remember your words and your promise
to never close this door

yes, you can know whats best for you

it doesn’t feel that way when it’s killing you

can’t focus 

can’t breathe 

i need you to be my relief 

yet that is too much to ask of you

i know there is only one who can take the burdens of this life

only one who can take you away and bring you back to me brand new. 

so i’m doing this for me and for you

that i may be what you need 

what you want

what pushes you

and follows after you

what strengthens 

and supplies

this is honesty 

just look in my eyes.

so i’m doing this for you and for me

that you will become everything God set out for you to be

that you would gain knowledge like never before

look to and lean on Him as your rock....your guiding star

that you would trust whole heartedly in who He is and what He says.

and never lose sight of what the true love really is. 

I pray that you would have new understanding 

a heart that is full to the brim and ever expanding. 

i love you deeply with this heart. 

I pray that through these days, weeks, maybe months apart

that God would grow our love for each other, affirm it, renew it

and that from it we’ll never depart. 

so i run.

so much
so much 


if I could spill it all out to you
would it be too much
too much


life is so strange when your walking through
no one sees the world through my eyes like you


rearrange
sort my thoughts
you always see right through




So i run
yes, I run
I’ll always run to you